Cheers.

I'm Jehanne Janey Jane. Birthday on 3rd November 1988 and still a childult, a term invented for the only me.
I'm a scorpio and i do really bite, but not in front of you of course.
My emotions are poorly controlled, but not being bipolar to that extend, it will plunges down to its lowest and it gets real hard to be on the top.
Honestly, i may look happy but deep down, there bound to be things troubling me.

My family consists of my mother, elder brother and me. Yes no big man around and i'm actually glad that he disappeared. However, that seems to mark my character in some ways.
Anyway my brother do act like my big man sometimes, cos he's 8yrs older than me!
Not to forget, i have my 'ANG' family which consists of 20+ people and it's still growing in numbers. They are my soul support.

I graduated with Dip. in Nursing and so you can guess my job now. Currently working in one of the ward at TTSH. Like what other adults said, the employers are always the meanies.
I'm really unlucky to have 3 unreasonable managers above me, crap but my colleagues are a wonderful batch. This made me stayed on.
I love this job seriously, crapping with my uncles, providing care to the frail, discuss problems with colleagues and lots more.
I actually desired to become a Pharmacist but blamed on myself, I never studied real hard.
Fret not, i found the route where I want to retire at. HAHA

I have friends whom i knew for freaking 8yrs+ and also as short as like 2yrs+.
Nobody can replace people in SGS gang, we grew up together from being a student to now, working in the society.
My NYP classmates whom we worked together to help each other to graduate, my attachment mates who helped me to run away from lecturers.
My NYP Judo people whom stood with me whenever i fell.
Then, Dearies & co which started during working days, and mind you, all of us actually knew each other since poly days. We build a very strong friendship amazingly and i love them manymany.
How can I not mention about my TTSH colleagues, consists of different batches. They gave me advice when i met with real bad problems.

I love to visit museum but my friends think i'm a weirdo. my wish is to visit all the museum in Europe. It's real fun to know about history and other stuffs. I learned a lot during each visits.

I love travelling with friends and i'm really easy going when it comes to deciding which places to go. As long as I'm able to buy sourvenirs back. HEH

I love blue, red, black, green, brown and grey.

I love tweety, thomas the train, good luck carebear and conan.

I love chicken wings to the max, and pepper on almost all my food, and so the 'pepperqueen' is invented!

I love square, hexagon and other funny shapes.

I love winter the most, and snowflakes is my adore.

I love hanging out with friends, or just stay at home and watch my online drama.

I love surprises!

So this is my life, read my blog, FB and twitter for more.
=)





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last day. at 10:44 AM

oh well.

today is the last day of 2009.
as usual, i wont expect any good happenings in 2010.

countdown with Shirley later.
=)

and dearies had been drifting away far too apart.

alrights..


over. at 11:40 PM

everything's over.
no i wont end myself physically.
but mentally i've committed suicide.

i'll just lead this life with no aim.


xmas events. at 5:07 PM

well..

night shift over.
i celebrated xmas eve in the ward with my favourite peeps!

xmas day was celebrated at Scott's house.
and due to not enough sleep plus ate too little, my head went spinning after the 4th drink.
goodness.

so later to Gavin's housewarming.

schedule's up.

the hardest letter to write is to my mother and brother.
i thought i was ready for it, but why?

alrights..


final at 1:57 AM

i'm utterly disappointed now.
totally gave up in this.

Janey can never be happy.


notitle. at 12:35 AM

i actually enjoy having attacks during every night.

i shall start writing letters to friends.

but i'll give Christmas presents first.

and i hope i wont regret buying those presents.


shopping! at 7:06 PM

heh..Dearies without Carmen.

so yesterday was shopping with Huiling, Shirley and Yu Chen.
very fun.
i settled all presents in one day.
=)


home alone now.
nobody to eat dinner with me.


alrights..


depression. at 11:40 PM

hmm..

very very very busy shifts.
i nearly drop dead today.

amk with NG and Huiling.




i want to stop everything, no more slowing down.
people can say i'm avoiding.
but i cannot take it anymore.
the problem will never be solved and now i dont even know how to talk about it.
just by the thought of it, it sufforcates me.
i tried to go out often and avoid facing it, but when i'm alone, i'm left to think about everything.
i tried to seek help, but i realised nobody can actually help, not even my 'ANG' family.

people can say i'm having suicidal thoughts, but i tried to stop thinking all these and find meaningful things in my life.
i know i have my family and friends, they refrained me from having all those thoughts.
however recently, i realised i dont want to go out anymore, i want to stay at home.
i switch my phone to slient mode, sleep longer then usual.
i skip my diet, stare into space frequently.

i want to live longer too, to see how's my life in future, but i'm also afraid of my future, cos seems like i can predict what will happen.

so is Janey alright now?


present exchange at 11:50 PM

heh..

so Christmas is coming.
and i need to prepare lots of gifts for exchange.
Hazel and Xinyi,
Colleagues,
Judokas,
Dearies.

and i have no time to settle all these presents.

will have time on this week to get everything.

oh yes, this is for Dearies only.
let's exchange present like last year.
i've already thought of a way to decide who you should give rather than finding the most suitable for everybody.
please tag my board once you see this, i'll tell you once everybody tagged it.
=)

perhaps this's the only thing for me to be happy about it.

alrights..


naive. at 11:09 AM

ignore the previous post.

how can i be so naive to actually believe that people still cares about me.
fuck.
i'm alone, and always be.
the plan will still go on, as usual.


hmm.. at 8:41 PM

well..

night shift over.
and this's the 1st time i was so tired when it's not even busy at all.
i finished all my parameter, sponging and blah and fell into deep sleep at the station.
something's wrong, i can always stay fully awake for the past night shift.

so the thought actually still linger around in my mind.
but something is holding me back now.
could it be my family or friends?

alrights..


smiley. at 11:07 PM

heh..








acting skills at 11:25 PM

hmm..

Janey's going to act strong.
Janey's going to act happy.
Janey's going to act nonchalent.
Janey's going to act satisfied.
Janey's going to act kind.
Janey's going to act understanding.
Janey's going to act like nothing happened before.
Janey's going to act like nobody knows about her plan.

cos this whole world is only about how good you can act.

anyway schedule out.

Grandmother's still not able to discharge.
=(

alrights..


cravings! at 12:14 AM

heh..

i have lots of craving lately.
chicken wings, fried fish soup, hokkien mee, chocolates, fried rice.
oh crap.
and after all those food, i'm still hungry.

hmm, something is wrong.

i hate cold weathers now, it makes my hand even more itchy.
then it cracks more.

btw Grandmother was admitted to hosp.
=(

alrights..


1month. at 1:01 PM

oh well..

it's 3rd December already.
being 21yrs old for a month.
still, nothing is worthy.
=)

and i fell sick.
crap.

alrights..