Cheers.

I'm Jehanne Janey Jane. Birthday on 3rd November 1988 and still a childult, a term invented for the only me.
I'm a scorpio and i do really bite, but not in front of you of course.
My emotions are poorly controlled, but not being bipolar to that extend, it will plunges down to its lowest and it gets real hard to be on the top.
Honestly, i may look happy but deep down, there bound to be things troubling me.

My family consists of my mother, elder brother and me. Yes no big man around and i'm actually glad that he disappeared. However, that seems to mark my character in some ways.
Anyway my brother do act like my big man sometimes, cos he's 8yrs older than me!
Not to forget, i have my 'ANG' family which consists of 20+ people and it's still growing in numbers. They are my soul support.

I graduated with Dip. in Nursing and so you can guess my job now. Currently working in one of the ward at TTSH. Like what other adults said, the employers are always the meanies.
I'm really unlucky to have 3 unreasonable managers above me, crap but my colleagues are a wonderful batch. This made me stayed on.
I love this job seriously, crapping with my uncles, providing care to the frail, discuss problems with colleagues and lots more.
I actually desired to become a Pharmacist but blamed on myself, I never studied real hard.
Fret not, i found the route where I want to retire at. HAHA

I have friends whom i knew for freaking 8yrs+ and also as short as like 2yrs+.
Nobody can replace people in SGS gang, we grew up together from being a student to now, working in the society.
My NYP classmates whom we worked together to help each other to graduate, my attachment mates who helped me to run away from lecturers.
My NYP Judo people whom stood with me whenever i fell.
Then, Dearies & co which started during working days, and mind you, all of us actually knew each other since poly days. We build a very strong friendship amazingly and i love them manymany.
How can I not mention about my TTSH colleagues, consists of different batches. They gave me advice when i met with real bad problems.

I love to visit museum but my friends think i'm a weirdo. my wish is to visit all the museum in Europe. It's real fun to know about history and other stuffs. I learned a lot during each visits.

I love travelling with friends and i'm really easy going when it comes to deciding which places to go. As long as I'm able to buy sourvenirs back. HEH

I love blue, red, black, green, brown and grey.

I love tweety, thomas the train, good luck carebear and conan.

I love chicken wings to the max, and pepper on almost all my food, and so the 'pepperqueen' is invented!

I love square, hexagon and other funny shapes.

I love winter the most, and snowflakes is my adore.

I love hanging out with friends, or just stay at home and watch my online drama.

I love surprises!

So this is my life, read my blog, FB and twitter for more.
=)





« go back

« go back

new layout for my dear idiot.. at 1:59 AM

yea...

changed my layout again...so idiot...this is wat i wan to tell ya...but i dunno wat u think lah...e music is quite sad lah...but that's not wat i mean man...IT'S E WORDS...=D

went to c sinseh again..yea...just e same old thing like last time..so it's getting better lah...but if i still feel pain tml i shall go back again..u think i will...heh

chalet tml!!finally i can c my pals again...reali miss them lah...didnt have e time to dring teh peng n eat roti prata n talk till morning since my sch starts...i shall enjoy man...n i can stay overnite on mon...cos tues no sch...wahahaha...

finally idiot's exam going to finish...that means i can c him le...omG...lolz...n he promised to accompany mi for lectures...heh...not boring anymore...well...i nv say wif grace n joey they all is boring...just that i can play lah...hiak hiak...

i need to sleep now..spent like 1 hr doing...aw...tired...tired...tired...


i miss my dear idiot! at 11:19 PM

here again..

hmm...was thinking e whole day after finish talking to idiot..i think i have this illness whereby i'll think TOO much n i was think negatively..heh...so my dear idiot..pardon mi for writing my complaints on blog...perhaps it's my illness acting on my brain...just dun worry so much...wait for a few more weeks...i'll tell u a msg on my blog...

hmm...go queensway wif joey n grace after sch...found e dunks i wan...n e converse shoes too...heh...bought a top n some hairbands...den just slack at joey's fren shop...when we wan to go home...oh man...heavy rain...so borrow a umbrella n walked wif grace...we were shouting cos there will be lightning n thunder every min...omG..took train home..

it's been a week since i've seen idiot...I MISS HIM ALOT!!


I LOVE EVERYBODY! at 1:01 PM

yo...updates...

lectures...tutorial...lab...e usual...boring...but i'll learn...but e module which i hatred e most is maternal-infant health...dunno why...perhaps i dun like pregnancy...babies...blah blah...so 1 fine day...we were having lectures...n this lecturer was still at e same slides for 20mins...aw....so time's up...eileen said...so i just projected it out..oops...i dunno it was so loud...so everybody was like looking at mi lah...heh...sorry everyone..i was just projecting...not shouting...

hmm...been training for my grading e past few days...yesterday was e grading day...whoa...we were damn frightened lor...n xinyi keep looking out for sensei...which made mi more scared...well...i passed...but i dun think my skills is good lah...i had faults..yea i noe that...n my old injury is back...n a new one too...e other side of e right knee...argh...luckily my back is getting alright...or i have to treat too many prob...remember i said i fell down...e wound is like getting bigger...i think is e impact lah...it will get better...

i cant train now...think have to rest for a month..wat e hell...i'm always e slowest...=(

hmm...i reali dunno wat happen to ya...sometimes u are so enthu...but sometimes u are so cold...very cold...but i noe u cant always attend to mi..yea...especially now...u're having exams...n i can c that u are trying to study...perhaps is e dota...but i not blaming e game..i will think of tv when i was studying...i noe u don't like to chat on e phone everyday...u said we'll have nth to talk one day...i noe u dun wan us to meet everyday...u said u will get bored of mi...yea...i accept all these...cos i noe these are facts...i dun wan to keep blaming u on blog n made u felt so sad whenever u read...perhaps these are everything which i wan u to noe...but i'm scared that u felt stressed...i'm in dilemma...however...i dun mind having all these thoughts in my mind everyday...cos i'm reali fortunate to meet ya...i'm reali contented...well...ignore all these...just believed that i'm very happy to be with ya...perhaps i dun msg u so often le...u might feel irritating...when u feel like talking to mi...i'll be there every moment...=D

my birthday is next week...hohoho...waited for so long...so pals...just give mi wishing n i'll be contented...i dun mind a present...lalala...

lastly...I LOVE EVERYBODY...my sgs lovers...nyp angels...nyp judo buddies...family...n of course...MY DEAR IDIOT!!

_muackz ;)


I WAN TO SLEEP!! at 2:12 PM

here again..

yesterday went to ikea..yea..to celebrate 2nd month...so i have e urge to move out n have a home of myself...hohoho...den i'll design it in my own way...wahahaha...well...i gave him 2 t-shirts from S&K...it's suppose to wear both together as i picked L for one of them...so that have to be worn inside den the 2nd shirt outside...heh...i think it will look nice on him lah...so my dear idiot..u better wear it e way i wan...or i dunno wat will happen lor...

hmm...have this feelings again...always very very tired in lectures...i had slept for FULL 8 hours...so y am i still so tired...perharps i need to sleep for 1 full day...wahahaha...

dun felt like copying notes...so i just update faster den off to library...my wanshi is there...hohoho...

stomach prob again...that gastric pain...but i ate leh..wat e hell...so is it telling mi not to eat anymore...so i can slim down...heh

omG...everybody is so hardworking here...=( i'll copy all e notes...cos i had transfer all to email..heh...i noe i am clever...

dada...off to library now...


2nd mth!! at 1:43 PM

yo...in lab again...sianz

lesson start at 8am today...oxygen therapy...aw...fun lah...but i am very very very tired...somemore there's judo later...oh no....

my appetite is not good this few days...haiz...forget it...it's a good way to slim down...heh

tml 2nd mth!!hohoho

dada...i need to go for tutorial le...


my fav place is comp lab -_-" at 3:37 PM

in comp lab...here again finally..

was copying notes...dah...only copied 1st week de...next week is next week...so i'm too lazy to copy..but ar grace keep on copying eh...hohoho...she's too hardworking...-_-"

hmm...did i mention that i fell down...yea..on sun...it was raining monkey n donkeys...so i was walking n dah...fell on e drain edge...ouch...it's pain lah..but i lazy to care about it lah...been 2 days le...i can c the blood just underneath e skin...n one depression...aw....wat e hell...i keep having injuries lah...=(...so idiot...ur job comes...LOOK AFTER MI MAN...if not one day i just fell dead...

yesterday yoga is stretching...wahahaha...reali stretch my whole body man...n i found out 1 thing...my waist is flexible..heh...i can inch to one side without moving my hips...hohoho...try it pals..

well...should i learn dota...heh...it's VERY weird that i would like to learn a game lah...i treated them like pests in e pasts...hmm...reali cause of him ar...oh no...

i've learned about maternal n infant care...wat e hell...so boring..i'm not interested lah...only interested in bio..clinical lab...n intro to life sci...yea...i like sci alot..but not psychology or sociology...omG...

so that's all lah...i shall continue copying notes...at least i wont feel bored...

miss ya-


photos of mi!! at 7:08 PM

yeah....my 1st day of sch!!fun fun...but need to carry all e books home..

hmm...they start bio n clinical lab lesson...well...i still cant adapt lah...especially e bio...very new..but i'll try to understand...for lab...all that i noe lah...e perioperative things...all saw b4 at MAH le...so lesson last from 12-3pm...heh...better lah...went to town wif grace n joey after that..bought things...but if wan to noe wat things...after thurs pls...hohoho...

last time i said 'i LIKE him'...but now i would say 'i LOVE him'..yea...reali...hohoho...he changed my view of marriage...perharps he might be e one which i wan to bring him home to c my family...perharps i reali wan him to accompany mi to walk e next path of life...perharps he's my only one forever...perharps i would wan to marry him...so 'love can reali change thinkings'...lolz...i dunno how he think lah...i aso dunno wat will happen next time...so let nature take its course bah...

well...i'll show photos now...of mi!!



mi in home...wif fringe pin-ed up..i noE it's ugly...irritating ar but dun bear to cut off..heh



mi in SHS uniform...hohoho...too weird lah



mi in formal...haha...i noe it's stupid...top is just any polo-tee...wif gavin's tie...



mi in sch...casual wear...heez



hair's tied up...they say it's nice..of course lah...it's mi leh...oops



oh...just e cute mi..lolz...



e evil side of mi...hiak hiak..

so that's all...next will be e fren's photos..wait for it...=)



my trust is wif u... at 11:11 AM

yea...sch tml...but i haven print out my timetable...aw...

hmm...attachment finally finish man...whoa...tiring...but my presentation was fabulous...hohoho..i noe i can talk well lah...but dun keep saying...i were shy de...=X

went for judo...omG...whole body is like...broken into parts...my neck.shoulder.thigh were strained...argh...ok lah...perhaps i was reali too tired le...so spent my last hr staring into space...was punching my fist on e mat...dunno why...maybe this is my way of scolding myself...for been so useless..in everything...

watched 'april snow' yesterday wif yz.ws.idiot...well...i falling asleep...yea...reali..yz fell asleep le...but woke up on some *** scenes...lolz...think e guys were horny man...oh no

well...noe MORE things from idiot...n it leads mi to thinking+depressing+ignoring+anorexia-ing again...sorry man...but i'll try to come back...to e laugh-like-hell+daring+eat-like-a-pig mi..

hmm...i wan to trust u...yea of course i wan...i wan to be wif ya forever...yea it's true...perharps i will change my marriage view...yea reali...but i scared it wont last forever...i'm scared i will be single again...n u're wif ur new gf...i dun wan to imagine all these...i dun wan to tell u too...but gals do think of these often...but if we reali cant walk to e end...it's alrite...as long as u're happy...i dun mind being a blue gal...but now i'm giving u my trust...so make it real...or i'll get my revenge if u betray mi...i'm serious...deadly serious..


1st fight.. at 6:53 PM

= in zel house now...

bea birthday celebration postponed le..cos of mi lah...heh...suddenly forget got yoga...hohoho...so...yea..class chalet too...but i can only play for one day man...cos my sch starts already!!

hmm...attachment ending..whoa..finally...i dun reali enjoy...but the lecturer dunno why suddenly so good lor...so i just be 'good' too...*pukez..

oh man...wat e hell...just because u frustrated u vent ur anger to mi ar...say until damn sarcastic..this is e 1st time i'm so angry with u man...been trying to overcome...but ur words made mi felt so useless...felt so discouraged...was hoping that u can say something inspiring...but nth..only words that reali make mi wan to end my life immediately...1st time...1st time i reali wan to shout at u...but i hold back..cos i dun wan our relationship to have a wound..yea...

i decided to try again...yea...again...my judo techniques..my attachment...sch life...but i wont change my frens man..my sgs lovers..nyp angels...judo buddies...reali luv them all...n of course my idiot...luv him forever man...however...my character cant change so fast..so pals...have to wait man...

our 1st fight..but u won..u reali won...i felt that if i continue u will break ya promise...den i have to kill ya...


USELESS MI at 9:05 AM

heh..just return home...stayed out the whole nite wif zel..gavin...wy...jw...bh...

a week had passed...had used to hospital life...whoa..it's reali busy..call bells everywhere...n parameters still on-doing...haiz...i cant even have my lunch on fri man...so i starve n went judo...yea...i broke down again...yea again...i was reali very very very tired...but i had nv trained for so long le...so come n learn as much as i can lor...but aydeng shouted at mi...i ran halfway n run out...i was scared..reali scared...i still can remember that look...it shuttered mi...i cant c that look...it reali make mi feel that i'm in fault which is e truth..

although i am 17 yrs old now...i may still look like a sec child...yea...people always say that...from my attitudes...behaviour...gestures...point of view...but i dun wan that...i reali dun wan...been trying hard to act mature..but always facing damn lot of stress...i'm diff from other people le...but that thing dun let mi be more mature...instead it make mi more like a child...a stupid child...a shamless child...a brainless child...yea i cry alot...but that fri is the 1st time since i cried so much...i always cant cry cos lau had trained mi not to...i was in sec 1...he bullied mi everyday..he even counted how many i cried for 1 day...even if people just say few words with stern eyes n strict talks...my tears will fall...even my fren was just joking at mi...i will cry...i cant take jokes last time...as days goes by...i became stronger...but sometime i reali dun like this feeling of strong...oh yea...aydeng shouted...n i reali burst out...i say out everything....yea...i think i am stupid...should hid everything n went back for training...but i cant...i felt shameful...i bring shame to e judokas...i'm a disgrace to them...i brought trouble to them...i cant face them anymore...i am too lagging behind...aydeng did say some sense to mi...but i dun agree...i cant agree...i dun dare to agree...but i dun wan to run away...i dunno wat to do now reali...i think i cant go for grading...judokas keep telling mi that grading is coming...perhaps i wont take...even if i take e yellow belt with my super lousy techniques n basic...i wont be happy...

so why did i cry...cos...attachment...yea...quite happy...but been scolded by staff nurse for no reason...been followed by lecturer n picking mistakes even i nv do...patient's relatives talks 'patient care' to mi n said things learnt in yr 1 is not practical stuff...judo...lagging damn damn behind..cos my leg was injured...n i dun even noe whether i can train anot...having attachment n cant have the utmost mood cos i'm tired...grading coming n all white belts are ready except mi...felt disgrace when i cant do even e BASIC...alrite...personal i shall not said...all these had been hidden for a long time...although i always smile n laugh n act as though i have no prob...i think i need to cry for a day n hid myself from everybody including my family for a yr...i think i will not eat more than a meal to make mi suffer...i think i will be happier leading this life...

so talk about confidence...from small...i dun have a father...yea...they divorced...yea...i dun care about it den...so that is e reason why i dun wan to get married...when i reach pri 4...i changed...from a always-laugh-gal to a almost-cry everyday-without-reason gal...so i dun reali like my pri sch life...for sec 1 n 2..it's also e same...till sec 3...i reali met true frens...yea...they stood by mi...so i told myself that i muz changed...ya change...lively gal..but still...e confidence is still not there...so i dun care n just live on...been thru well...wif zel...xy...hx..bh..jw..wy..lau..tng..hy..gavin..bea...rochelle...reali enjoy my upper sec life...so came poly life...ya...5 at first...but now like break into dyads...so i'm wif grace...she's a good fren...yea...understanding...reali glad...den judokas...met reali good buddies...n idiot too...but so wat...i dun have confidence when i met a prob...i'm always running away...or pretending to act as nth had happen...i dun even like that...but how...i cant change...from small i always e quiet one...people's 1st impression is proud...u come n talk to mi den i will smile n talk to u...so 'confidence' is not in my dictionary...it's reali hard to have confidence...seriously...i did tried b4...but always failed...i cried after that...but i dun wan to cry...so all these were hidden in mi...

so pals...feeling regretful having such a problematic n 'act' fren..i apologised...if wan to break ties wif mi..i'm alrite...i reali felt very sorry to let u all noe mi...n idiot...if u regret le...it's alrite de...i dun mind single forever...reali...i only wan u to be happy...n aydeng...i reali listened to u that day...but perhaps i need time..i'm scared that i wasting ur's n judokas time...i dunno how much time i need...if u reali think that i'm not worth teaching..den give up on mi...i wont be sad..but pls...let mi try first b4 u make this decision...i wont blame u...it's my fault...reali my fault...everything is my fault...i admit it...

anybody wan to confront or scold mi...come bah...i noe i'm a disgrace to u all...i should not be living in this world...perhaps ending my life is e best choice...nobody will shed tears for mi...I'M UTTERLY USELESS!

[wan to noe wat i did during these 5 days...nth much...attachment...went to watch 'e myth' with idiot...left one week of attachment...den sch opens...planning to go sentosa today...but wat for...i dun dare to face judokas..]


ahh...it's too scary.. at 10:27 PM

haiz..

today...my 2nd day of hospital attachment..hmm..actually quite alrite...think i'm giving myself too many stress...well...these 2 days were just observation for mi...so i just look...den do some parameters...so for today...do quite alot of admission...n i keep speaking chinese..hohoho..oh man...think i'm getting darker den last time..people think that i'm a malay...argh...wat e hell..got one case...i was starting my admission Q...den this guy said 'wah...ur mandarin so good ar' i replied.. 'uncle...i'm CHINESE....omG...think staff nurse quite glad wif mi..dunno....

hmm...changed shift today...so i can go out at nite today..hohoho...so meet up wif zel..xy..jw..gavin n teck han..as for e details..next week man...

sat..met idiot at nite..yea...i'm reali depressed...for no reason..so my heart said 'need to go out'...so my brain was thinking of a place...so the place is yishun...omG...so went there...shop for stationery...den stayed till 10pm..

sun...went to yuki yaki..heh...fun fun...i like fried ice cream!!

reali hate the nyp lecturer...duh...keep following mi lah...argh

well...i muz not be so blur now...have to be extremely careful...

idiot is reali an idiot...rather watch tv den to talk to mi...wat e hell